If you can pick out the California girl in this pic, you're a liar! (or you've been paying attention!) Pic courtesy of Southern Cindi and Lisa. Personally, may I say, what a beautiful image it is!
Note: I am proud to say our "Redneck 4 USC" is getting the kudos she deserves. She's finally on top, and seems to stay there! As modest as she is, she deserves to be proud. She is one of the best sports writers I know! It may not be racing, but whatever the subject, she knows her stuff and writes what she knows in a style that deserves professional attention! -KCJ (For Cali haters, she's a reason to reconsider!)
Featured Blogger:
lisa4usc
A NASCAR GUIDE FOR DUMMIES AND FOX BLOGGERS
Now that I have been introduced to the spectacle of stockcar racing, I realized that some of you may not be fans because ya'll don't understand the phrases, vocabulary and intricate details of NASCAR. What better opportunity than right now to give ya'll the lowdown on NASCAR?
Below are some key words to understanding NASCAR, as well as alternative definitions. Yes, with this handy guide, you now can enjoy the race without any confusion whatsoever.
THE CUP
Refers to the series of races on Sunday where a driver racks up Nextel points. The cup is awarded to the driver with the most points at the end of the race season.
alt- a protective device worn by Miracle and ShooterB when they first enter the Fat Cave after a long absence.
BIG ONES
A term to describe a spectacular crash. All racing fans want to see a couple of big ones where the driver survives and is not seriously hurt.
alt- A great rack, huge cans, but not bolt-ons.
alt- A big box of cheap stogies or a case of Budweiser long necks.
LA
Abbreviation for Lower Alabama, and somewhat of a derogatory term, although LA'ers don't understand that. "He's from LA."
alt-Louisiana or Los Angeles, but in Talladega, it always mean Lower Alabama.
alt- Coona$$ from Alabama, or idiot/dumba$$.
RESTRICTOR PLATE
A engine modification that restricts airflow to the engine thereby reducing the potential of speeds over 200mph. The restrictor plate is used at fast tracks such as Talladega to reduce the amount of "Big Ones."
alt-A set of Hillbilly dentures.
RUNNING LOOSE
A term for describing the rear wheels' traction on the track. If a car is running loose, the rear end tends to swing wide or not grip as well, and cause contact with other cars.
alt- Paris Hilton in Las Vegas.
RUNNING TIGHT
The opposite of running loose, the car has no give at all on the track.
alt- The emotion of a hillbilly once he realizes he is down to his last beer.
IMPOUND
After qualifying, the cars are impounded immediately and locked in a garage to prevent any last minute adjustments or modifications by their crews.
alt-Where most rednecks buy their trucks.
alt- A hot spot for "Hooking up."
BACKSTRETCH
The longest section of the track that is straight and where maximum speeds are reached.
alt-The last 30 seconds of a 1 minute quickie.
FRONTSTRETCH
The part of the track that is straight, usually not as long as the backstretch, and in front of pit row.
alt-The first 30 seconds of a 1 minute quickie.
BUMPDRAFTING
A term used to describe a car touching the bumper of the car in front of him. This drafting reduces his fuel consumption and when a pass is finally made, the draft produces a slingshot effect propelling him past the car in front of him.
alt- A beer can smashed into a redneck"s forehead, often done to reduce the appearance of empty beer cans on the ground.
alt- A technique perfected by the Reverand in South Beach.
QUALIFYING
A 3 lap run by a car before the race where the highest speed reached determines his place in the pole.
alt-A hillbilly slang word describing the charteristics of a young woman and the potential of "hooking up" with her. If the woman is drunk, ugly, or fat, she qualifies depending on the Hillbilly's state of drunkeness. The more drunk he is, the deeper his number of qualifiers gets (as well as his southern drawl.)
POLE
The positioning of the cars before the race. Capturing the pole means that car is lined up first at the start.
alt-umm...do I really need to go here?
GIT 'ER DONE
Finish the job.
alt-FatMaw's and Steeler's best "come on line" at a Redneck's local watering hole.
CHECKERED ON CAUTION, OR CHECKERED ON YELLOW
A car takes the checkered flag during a caution. During a caution, every car must hold their postion and cannot overtake any car.
alt-NASCAR hell.
RED FLAG
All cars must come to a complete stop. This usually occurs because of a serious accident where medical personnel are on the track or the track has too much debris for the race to continue safely.
alt- Potty break for fans, or a chance to take pictures of hot girls at the race.
alt- A distress signal at the Fat Cave's entrance indicating that the Twinkie stash has been depleted and Big Bertha is awake.
BLACK FLAG
This is awarded to a driver who violates a NASCAR rule such as entering pit row too fast. The driver will automatically lose 1 lap.
alt- If spotted on an RV infield, this signifies that the RV owner has run out of beer and is in need of serious medical attention.
WIFEBEATER TANK
The definitive attire for redneck (male or female) NASCAR fans. Tank must be white, thinly ribbed, stretched out, have chest hairs sticking through it and yellow stains under arms to be an official wifebeater tank.
alt- An article of clothing worn by females with saggy breasts to try and get attention. Although not very attractive, depending on the hillbilly's state of mind who is looking at her, she may "qualify".
JUAN PABLO MONTOYA
A handsome latin driver from Columbia who drives the #42 car.
alt- The driver who causes all the wrecks and gets all the girls. A double whammy.
alt- Rivjo's alter ego.
THREE WIDE OR FOUR WIDE
A term used to describe 3 or 4 cars lined up side by side going into a turn at over 150 mph. A beautiful sight to see.
alt-A redneck term used to describe the line at the beer stands or portapotties.
NASCAR BLING
A general description of hard-to-get credentials in a lanyard, or a hat or garment of clothing signed by a race car driver.
alt- a redneck's version is a cooler full of beer, cigarettes, turkey legs, pork rinds, a confederate flag lighter, firewood, a wallet with a detachable chain, 5 bucks reserved for 1 shower at the local RV campground and a disposable camera.
JUNIOR
Dale Earnhardt, Jr., the driver of the red Budweiser #8 car.
alt- There is only one meaning of this word. Do not ever try to use Junior in a sentence unless you are referring to Dale Jr. as it may cause confusion and panic in a NASCAR fan.
Ya'll comfy with the Nascar words now? Now sit back this Sunday, watch the Richmond race and throw down a few cold ones. The race will be more fun now that you are a pro.
(To Fox Sports, hire her, before I find a way to!! And to everyone else, her main topic may not be racing, but she knows what she talks about, when she speaks!!)
Check all her blogs out:
Straight Talk From The Left Coast
(note: all photos, articles, and bios are used with the author or copyright owners permission.)